ok. ive cheonged away 2 days. 2 horrible days.
ahahah.
lets see.
monday after GP, went home and pia my art.
until about 12.30, which is not too bad considering previous years were till about 4 am.
but nvm.
and then. went to sch, had art paper, had break, went for chem.
din study much of chem cos i was rushing art drawings.
but my chem is more consistent. so hopefully i do well.

after chem, went for AEP exhibition opening ceremony.
from 4-8pm.
total waste of my time there... trying to pull apart partition curtains for vip to walk through.
sigh.
yes.
then i reached home and cheong econs notes till 1am.
and damn tired.
exam from 9.45 to 12.30,
went to cafe wadeva to eat.
and then talked crap in library for 2 and a half hours.
knew alot of stuff, bout jan and xiu.
hahaha.

ive got 1 and a 1/2 days to cheong math.
God is good. =)

* and little miss independent said she fell in love*

MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG
MUGMUGMUGMUGMUG.


RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
not enough time!!!!! =(

courtesy of yinkae. :) tell me what you think about me after seeing how melodramatic i am and such. haha. =)
i finished my canvas btw. which is why im so happy now. hahaha.

anger
do you have a quick temper? Yes.
what do you do when you're mad? glare. breathe deeply. or yell at that person if i find it justified.
what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad? scratched someone till that person bled
if you can turn back time, would you have never done this? hmmm. i guess? but i wasnt very sorry.
ever made anyone cry when you were mad? hoho. a few. in the family and extended.
ever physically hurt someone when you were mad? yes, but they recovered.
do you curse when you're mad? used to. try not to nowadays.

crying
when was the last time you really cried your heart out? right after choir grillings ( interviews)
ever cried yourself to sleep? Yes.
ever cried on your friend's shoulder? Yes. quite a few times.
ever cried over the opposite sex? hmmm. i suppose yes. but for reasons otherwise than soppy infatuation.
do you cry when you get an injury? Not anymore.
do certain songs make you cry? hurhur. ask my close frens. or look at my fav songs list.
can you make yourself cry? oh, yea.

pain
what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through? before i came across Block Tests, it was the O levels.
what's the worst thing you've done to yourself? hmmm. you wont wanna know.
what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else? whack her in the face with a softball bat. ouch. :X butbutbut it was an accident.
ever had a painful break up? Not as yet.
what about the old 'pain for pleasure'?hurhur. kinda morbid, but no.
how depressed can you get? hmmm. very. wallow in self pity and bleakness like Kingshaw. right xinhui? ;)
do you inflict pain on yourself? i try not to. hurhur. shallow threshold for pain.

happy
are you normally a happy person? well. i try to be. mostly for other people. =)
what can make you happy? having much time to spend with nice pple like geppers, ESP 4/15ers and choir mates in HC, sometimes church mates, having enough cash everytime i go out ( shopping), talking on the fone with the above mentioned pple, listening to a nice song, simple surprises from frens, nice desserts, the weather, rain.
do you wish you were happier? Very much more so. esp in the light of BT.
what makes you the happiest? being with certain people, doing certain stuff, staring at the sky, doing NOTHING.
is being happy overrated? Never.
what about being with your friends, does that make you happy? depends who it is. =)
can music make you happy? yes. mostly those with great lyrics and melody.

love
how many times have you had your heart broken? hurhur. you'd wanna know?
do you still have feelings for any of your old significant others? *shrugs* how do you define feelings to the extent that they are significant enough? but maybe not.
have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them? Yes. hurhur. still do.
did you ever love a guy/girl, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' as a reply? hmmm. i dont tell people i like them. even to my friends... most of the time they dont know. except some celebs, but they dont count. who i like remains only in my heart. ;)
Ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made you cry? Yes.
has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you? Yes. hurhur. but how true is that man.
ever stopped a relationship because they didn't say 'i love you'? Never exactly encountered...

hate
who do you actually hate? I dont hate. Just strongly dislike. hurhur. and of cos, i know who i dont like. ;)
ever made a hit list? Oh yes.
have you ever been on a hit list? hurhur. and i would know huh.
are you a mean bully?hmmm. let me know. =)
do you hate any one that breaks your heart? hmm. depends on the reason. jerks aren't worth the time.
do you hate George Bush? heh. nope.
self-esteem
is your self-esteem extremely low? It's average i guess. may dip from time to time.
do you believe in yourself? Usually much less than how much others believe in me. =/
when people say they think you are pretty, do you deny you are? heh. i used to. now its a... " there are many prettier pple out there la.im just average, but thanks all the same"
are you happy with who you are? No. =(
do you wish you can be someone else? YES.

hoho.
a wee bit of improvement.
finished 1 book of econs. 2 more to go.
did some math trigo, but not enough. :X
have 5 art sketches currently.
25 more to go. hurhurhur.
yes. =)
jsut some updates to make sure im still sane.

im DYING.
DDDDYYYYYIIIINNNNGGGGG.
for my stupid blocks.
ive to finish painting my canvas by friday.
and do 30 research drawings by tues.
someone kill me pls.
rahhhhhhhhhhh.
im stressed.
ive -technically- finished studying chem.
but still alot of qn dunno how to do. heck.
have to study econs like mad!
and GP.
damndamndamn.
oh God, plsplspls give me strength.
why do i feel like im preparing for O's all over again?
with last min notices too... -.-"

jiayou all who reads for your blocks!
if you have blocks. yes. ah well. all the best.
shall toodle off to study math.

hello. im back from camp!
its been a good experience, i must say, and i learnt alot thru BCL!
thanks to xiaoling and geok, and huey and clara!
ahhaha. yes.
hmmmm. i loved last night/this morning.
after de bbq, we had mock campfire ( cos we werent allowed to light a fire at changi aloha chalet)
so ahha. yea... sat arnd, sang songs, had skits.
but the best part was the friendship dance! so fun la! ahhaha.
got everyone very high and breathless i think :D:D:D

after that, we cleared up.
then me, jo, edna, geok, lizi and yee wah sat at the bbq place and played song- continuation.
haah. then alvin, ken ( the one from church, i specify), CB and junwei came along also.
and it was lotsa fun getting all crazy at 12.30 am.
hurhur. and it din help that ive been surviving on an average of 4 hours sleep a day for the entire camp.
she reminded me of the camps in 2001 and 2002.
how we were reprimanded for the same stuff.
that reckless, carelessness?
and thus why we were there at the bbq pit.
one person who reads this, and only 1 i think, will understand what im talking about.
shared sentiments.

stood at the edge of the compound, overlooking the sand and sea.
smelling the sea breeze and enjoying every moment of it.
=)
i want to do this again.

but meanwhile,
its back to attempts for mugging.

a whole bar of chocolate kinder bueno is nothing,
nothing compared to seeing you happy,
to see that you feel loved and cared for.
so please,
just smile more during those rare brief occasions when we meet.

and seb got me all thinking,
of all the What-ifs in my life.
i hate doing this, because it tends to eat me up inside,
of all the treasures id find a lil' further down that other road in the fork that i din take.
asking me, what if i had quit choir and ran for council
pondering, what if i had gone for humans prog
questioning, why i had chosen art over lit
and the open endedness runs on and on.

and it took me much effort just snapping out of it
shout, to the world, society, that i do not look back, at all those alternate paths,
ever since ive started out this year, afresh.
i would not have exchanged the SYF prep, the bittersweet victory
the memorable trip to m'sia
all the late nights, dinner, and aching
i would not have changed, the joy of studying chem, for dry books on the past
and art would have stretched me,
more than lit would have, for the physical discipline as well
its easy, to churn it all in your head, and let the ink run in black on white
its a different type of perception.
ive flipped my coin, decided, and will stick with it.

here's to one week ( nearly) of youth camp and decaying of my books.
have fun shaoning, have fun failing blocks =)

was talking to sua.
and i told him how he's one of those very unreadable people ive met.
and i think. this is why the conversation runs out?

i dunno. people like...
xinhui. val. terence. jolyne. julian. kenneth.
sometimes shuuy (cos you read and you'd know ;))
they are some of the very genuine people ive met?
and... they dont hide stuff.
hmmm. this issue about being the real person you are...
is always something that interests and intrigues me.
how much of someone, do we really know? or that we can really trust?
but like what terence says.
keeping an open mind at the start, is veyr impt indeed.
when the slate is blank, you can get very diff results...
from your pre-written assumptions or views of someone.
hehe. okok.
just some food for thought, that i have.
shall slp on it... gdnite world. :)

simpler things used to be able to make me happy.
i really hope they still will.

you'd think i went off on my own,
into this new "JC world" and turned my back on you.
forgotten you.
but well. what do you expect me to say,
with my classmates (friends?) around me
with that explicit question, hows life for you? getting along well?

plunge me into that deep well of thought, reflections, evaluations.
one by one
people flash before my eyes, and everything of their past, and present, with them
collection of trivial words, movement; observations.
careless treatment, even more so, careless words.
moments of contemplation, overrunning thoughts of verbose descriptions.
everything is so superficial my dear.
we must have been sitting too long, too comfortable
in that little gep castle in the air, to be unfamiliar with how the ground is to be treaded.
and when we came back to land, earth, unknowingly, the subtle fences sprouted,
enveloped us, ( or to exclude us from whom they clutched at their centres)

and asked twice, the question jots me back out of my reverie
and with four stares all around,
here's a pretty plastic smile for you
let me say: oh, everything's fine, just fine.
you would know, wouldnt you. i had thought you would.

hmmm.
we had choir elections today!
and well.
i made it into de voting round after the interviews.
but i din make it to pres post.
but im still in exco cos im SL.
=)
i think its ok, thoh pple kept asking me if i was damn sad or wad.
i think no la, im satisfied and happy that i can be in exco.
im happy for val and sua to get it, and they are great pple, so yups.
we will do well together! hehehe.
other pple in exco:
benji, nicole, guowei, kenny, shawna ( admin com)
emmett, linxin, edmund, sean, adora, me, guowei, val.
yay!
hahaha. so fun la. :)
Thank God for this chance... i think its good too, that i start at a smaller post.
cos im new to this? and its always good to start small :)
if you prove your worth, greater things will be in for you... yups.
Praise God! hehehe.
and my seniors are wonderful... esp yuru and woon.
esp YURU.
i love her soooo much, more than i can say.
6 years in choir together... we're really very close?
and to part twice is always the most painful thing to do.
which is why i cried. hahaha. *wipes tears*
damn they are rolling down my cheeks again. but i really love her so much. :)

got grilled today at choir interviews.
and that's to say the least.
it was quite traumatising...
all that sadistic behaviour, being difficult, doesnt actually do anything constructive, does it?
and fel takes it so damn seriously.
sigh. ah well. dunno la.
cried after that.
but thanks shups, val gong yue ken and all who encouraged me.

and today!
Colin came and talk to me.
and i kinda dieded. hahahah.
he's super cute la! but nvm. shhhhhhhhhh.
hahahaha.
yea. cos i was in de library.
then yups. came to talk lor.
and then went for lunch! hahahaha. with seb.
haha.

and thanks for listening to me.
my complaints.
its not everyday you get a special fren like this.
so thank you.

YAY!
shaoning is back!
hahahaha.
my M'sia trip rocked quite alot! heh.
so, here's a blow-by-blow account:

03/06
reported at 10.30.
we had a 5 hour trip up to KL... and were so sad de tenors were on another bus.
( yes terence laugh)
but well, had fun la.
played cards with benji, edmund, junkai, dora, qiang.
we reached at abt 5.30 pm.
then we went to jalan alok to eat!
its de street with so many hawkers, and we (edmund, benji, shups, jan, shawna, linx, mel and me!) ate there lor.
quite a good bargain la... ate alot for 3.50 Sing.
then went arnd and shopped!
bought Edna contacts, and bought stuff from bodyglove.
went back to meet de tenors.
we went to the tenors' rooms ( 2 interconnected rooms)
and hung out till 12 plus when we got busted. ( curfew was 11)
hahaha. so yea. big scolding but nvm.

04/06
morning sectionals, then went for performance at YMCA.
J1s sucked but well, sighs.
as usual, its not anything new la.
standing in the J2s' shadows.
ah well.
then... we went to shop.
at KLCC and petaling aka chinatown.
bought lotsa stuff. hahahah.
so fun.
and we went to tenors' rooms again, but it was a lil boring.
so after that we went down to jan's room and had fun!
very few pple went la.
cos kenny is KO. so are adora and nicole.
so only junkai, guan han, sua, em, gw, jan, shups, shawna and me.
and we stayed there and played Truth or dare and talked rubbish till 6.
hahaha.

05/06
long bus trip up to penang.
i was KO on de bus hahaha.
slept all the way la. but felt a bit queasy cos of the winding roads.
but miss lim and nicole were so nice, got my hot drinks and medication. <3333!
then we checked in.
the hotel freaks me out. cos there are 2 MOR there.
MOR meaning, mass orgy rooms.
and im not kidding.
we were so freaked out we changed with the choir alumni guys.
rooms 2004 and 1401. *shudders*
there were hookers going in and out of these rooms, and lotsa guys.
i was damn freaked.
went shopping at gurney drive and at great food!
the fried oyster melts in your mouth man. and the laksa and fried kway teow rocked hahaha.
had a good nite.


06/06
we had a good performance.
shawna and i were damn freaked ironing our costume.
cos we went to room 2515, where there was supposed to be an iron.
and we locked de door cos fel warned us to do so.
and right after that, some pple were knocking on de door and trying to get in.
and they blocked de peephole, so we dunno who it is.
damn freaked. we prayed so hard someone would come up and get us, cos no one lived on de 25th floor.
but then de guy went away and we ran out.
ran into guan han in de lift. thank God man... so freaked out.
the hotel is really really weird and freaky. lots of shady characters.
and the staircases and fire escape stairs do not have de same floor numbers for the floors.
some had 6, some had 7, for the 6th floor
so freaky.
yea.


but our perf went well... and we had no curfew!
lol. so we went wild.
i went to play pool with kenny, louis, guan han, junkai.
sua, em, gw, benji, yihui, nick bowled.
and ken's pool is good! cannot qie jooxiang thoh. but still good!
hahahah. but we played only for 1 hour.
cos it was damn ex per table.
and we left the complex at 1.45am
i was the only girl hanging arnd 10 guys and they were saying how i was like de lady boss.
hahahah. and her sidekicks lol.
then we went to edmund and benji's room.
hung arnd the whole night adn took pics, watched tv etc.
and one by one pple fell ( asleep of cos) till there was only me, linx, ed, qiang, gw and em.
yay! survivors! hahaha.
then we packed and came back on 07/07

so yea. damn fun! hahaha.
thank God for his protection. :)

this fren of mine called me at arnd 9 plus yest.
to apologise for stuff said which he thought might have hurt me.
hurhur.
i wasnt hurt, i was amused, but nvm.
nice of him to reflect and come tell me bout it, esp since its smthg tt happened 2 weeks ago.
yea...
then we just talked abt him being at borders that late, talk about books.
so i reminded myself to get:
-tuesdays with morrie
- 5 people you meet in heaven
- the rule of four
yups. and to catch up on how he's doing etc.

today!
went for choir.
then went orchard with my choirmates-
kenny, edmund, guowei, qiqian, nicole, louis, linxin.
but after lunch at long john's we split up.
kenny, louis, edmund, qiqian and i went to watch Kingdom of Heaven.
its so nice and unbiased, which is surprising.
i felt like a wimp burying my face ( and crying) into edmund's shoulder cos i couldnt bear to see all that blood falling like rain.
hahaha. but its ok.
kenny was very amused... -.-" by me.
but it was a good show, yeps.
and i feel satisfied.
:D

after that, went to hmv, walked arnd de classical/jazz part and looked at all the christian band songs, yup.
and came home.
hahahah.
i cant wait for de malaysia trip!
its gonna be super fun.
what a pity the tenors ( and ONLY THEM) are takign a diff bus from us.
which translate into no kenny, no sua, no emmett.
i think i can just die la.
thankfully there's benji, edmund and junkai.

butbutbut its not the same. :X